Priorities and Planning After the Loss of a Spouse

There is nothing that can prepare you for the pain of losing your spouse. Grief and mourning affect each of us uniquely, but all widows and widowers share a painful dilemma: on one hand, the world seems to demand rapid response to a barrage of critical questions – financial and otherwise. On the other hand, it’s usually a terrible time to be making big decisions, especially if they really can wait.

Here are some helpful handholds to hang onto if you have been recently widowed (or you know someone who has), plus preemptive steps to take if you’re reading this in happier times.

If You've Just Been Widowed

Don’t Decide Anything You Don’t Have To – Especially About Your Finances

This may seem like odd advice from a financial advisor. Our usual role is to help people make sound money decisions. The thing is, when you’re experiencing grief, it’s not just an emotion. It’s a biological process affecting your ability to make rational decisions regarding your financial interests. Even small choices can feel overwhelming, let alone the big ones. That’s why our advice at this time is to put off anything that can wait.

Many Financial Decisions are NOT as Urgent as They May Seem

Service providers, friends, and family (who may also be grieving) usually mean well. But their sense of urgency – and your own – may be off-kilter. Basically, unless you absolutely have to act, give yourself a break and assume that most financial decisions can wait.

Create the Space to Focus on Matters That are Actually Urgent

Putting long-term plans on hold also helps create space to take care of the essentials, such as making funeral arrangements, managing immediate expenses, and simply taking care of yourself and your dependents. A few things that may actually be urgent to prevent added stress:

• Have enough cash available to make daily purchases and pay bills.

• Gather paperwork such as any pre-planned funeral arrangements and multiple copies of the death certificate.

• Ensure your and your children’s healthcare coverage remains in place.

• Contact Social Security to report a death and apply for benefits.

Lean on Others

You don’t have to go it alone. For practical and emotional support, turn to friends, family, your church, and supportive relationships. For financial and legal paperwork, contact professionals such as your financial advisor and CPA. Focus on relationships that help relieve your burden and avoid those that burn up your limited energy.Be cautious about forming brand new relationships at this time; unfortunately (and disgustingly), seemingly sympathetic fraudsters prey on those whose defenses are down, particularly those who are seniors.

After Some Time Has Passed

Assess Where You're At

Once you feel ready to take on some of the mid-and long-range logistics, slow and steady is the way to go. It can be helpful and cleansing to start by gathering up your scattered resources.

• Wills and trusts,

• insurance policies,

• financial statements,

• personal identification,

• mortgages,

• retirement benefits,

• safety deposit box contents,

• business paperwork,

• military service records,

• club memberships, and more.

Whether on paper or online, take stock of what you have.

Reach Out

Continue reaching out to others to address your evolving needs. A good financial advisor can provide assistance in organizing your investment accounts, shifting ownerships as needed, closing or consolidating unnecessary accounts, sorting through your spouse’s retirement and work benefits, and revisiting your healthcare coverage Contact your spouse’s employers to learn more. Work with a lawyer for settling the estate. Speak with your accountant about the necessary tax filings. Contact creditors about resolving any outstanding debts. Confirm your ongoing banking and bill-payment routines. A great financial advisor should coordinate all your service professionals to help you gain a clearer picture of your situation.

Shift Your Focus Outward

The time will come when you’re ready to circle back to those larger planning decisions you put on hold. Again, don’t go it alone. Take a fresh look at your finances – your earning, saving, investing, and spending plans. You also may start to look at your larger wealth interests, such as your will, trusts, and more. Whether you determine everything is fine or adjustments are warranted, wait until you’re at a place in which you can make these sorts of decisions deliberately instead of in haste.

Pre-Planning is an Act of Love

If you’re reading this piece during happier times, we can’t emphasize enough how important it is to pre-plan for when one or both of you pass away. Pre-planning can simplify or even eliminate some of the most agonizing decisions surviving family members must face during one of the worst times in their lives. As such, your wills, trusts, powers of attorney, living wills (advance directives), and pre-planned funeral arrangements may be among the most loving gifts you can give one another as a couple, especially if you have dependent children. If these key estate planning materials are not yet in place, there’s no better day than today to give each other the gift of advance planning.

A Partner You Can Trust

At Kings Path, we serve widows and widowers with an abundance of respect, care, and attention. If you or someone you know has lost their loved one, we are here to listen and serve. Schedule a conversation with us whenever you are ready.